Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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