Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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