"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
