is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
