She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
