I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
