yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
