I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
