This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
