i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
