I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
