i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
