I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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