And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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