ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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