***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
