My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
