I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
40s are totally the cure
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
