Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
