good thing vaginas are great cup holders
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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