the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
