If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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