Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize