she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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