I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My hand turned me down
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
