I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
