you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
