i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
