just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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