I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We smell like vodka and hangover
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