Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
im holly from the hills drunk
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
