..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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