I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
