I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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