So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
