So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
