GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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