Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize