I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Bring me that man meat
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
