My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Is Oprah even human
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