I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
