Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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