You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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