I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
