Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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