I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
