Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
