I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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