So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
