tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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