you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
