Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
