What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize