Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
What drink are we having for lunch?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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