forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i think i have herpe
just one?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
