My Higher Power is John Stamos
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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