I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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