i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
