I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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