i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
