She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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