literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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