Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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