in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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