oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
